Okay – so let me run this up the flagpole. Lets put it out there to see if it has legs. Lets blue-sky this one. Lets ramp up the activity. Lets hit 120% on this. Because as we all know there is no ‘I’ in ‘team’. Lets see how this one sticks. It’s purely a numbers game. Lets target the right demographic. Let target the Tweenagers and focus on pester power.
Phew – enough! It had got to the stage I was translating my own thoughts into corporate speak. These targets are complete c**p – would become ‘the targets look somewhat challenging’. That buyer in x is an absolute witch – ‘I need some green field thinking about building relationships with x’.
It had become so painful to keep my emotions and true thoughts under wraps, that it literally was giving me a pain in the head – I hated the person I had become. I heard myself talking to my colleagues when I was training them using the exact same bland drivel.
I had always prided myself of on being honest, descriptive and clear in what I said. I valued people who could be upfront and honest – not in a harsh hurtful way – but in an honest and decent way.
How 13 years of corporate soul bashing had changed me. You know the scene in Monsters Inc where Randall has invented the scream extractor and is inching towards Mikey with this new machine – well that is a strong image and that is what I feel Corporations eventually do to their employees.
They give you the corporate guilt if you are off on maternity, with stress, or god forbid an operation. They condescend to you about welcome back – now knuckle down. Yet they think nothing of getting rid of you.
And like me you emerge into the day light trying to re-acquaint yourself with an old-fashioned language. You try using your corporate speak in the real world – but quickly have to back translate into who you were.
Only then does the weight lift off your shoulders and you slowly re-morph into the essence of you. Back to who you were, when you strip away the corporate shell that used to surround you.
And you know what – I have discovered I am overwhelmingly glad to be back to just being Joan. To Talk how I want to talk, crack jokes about what I really find funny, to spend time with people I value. It’s a breath of fresh air to be me again, just me 🙂